


For Everything A Reason, This Time I Can't Quite Understand

by LilianaSnow



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Angst, Bathtubs, Bipolar Disorder, Bleeding While Pregnant, Blood, Blood Loss, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Dissociation, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Loss of Control, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Multi, Post Mpreg, Postpartum Depression, Spotting, The Author Regrets Nothing, Trisomy 16, i am a cruel god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 01:30:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17458037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilianaSnow/pseuds/LilianaSnow
Summary: Back before the world knew what I wasA destiny was written for meA child born to oneAnother one not yet betrayedThe years, they cameAnd I gave the world everythingI beg of youNothing else befall him in my realmCome back to meI’ll mourn he wavesThe red, the deadThe ones not meant to beA name for the faithfulI led thee throughConception to deathWish I had something to saySurvive againLive and breatheHear my apologyFor the kingThe living will begThe blood won’t stopI won’t ask your ghost to leaveWon’t ask for much exceptLet your shadow hauntDon’t leave me aloneI know I’m crying out too loudFor the king





	For Everything A Reason, This Time I Can't Quite Understand

"Have there been any signs of anything else?" the doctor asked him softly.

"I've spotted, but... I spotted all the time with my twins..." Mikey frowned, looking at the spot he'd been sitting. "Never this much... My baby..."

"Trisomy sixteen. It wouldn't have worked."

"T-Thank you... I guess this means that I don't need my medication adjusted again..." He turned and walked out, feeling everything fade.

He had given birth eight times. He had given nine children life. For most of his adult life, he had been a mother. Now he had just lost the first child he'd ever had to lose. He couldn't focus on his way home.

His youngest three children were napping when he returned home. His eldest were helping his others with homework and research.

"Dad? Are you okay?" Alex asked. Mikey looked at him, taking a moment to process. His son's voice sounded distant and faded. He nodded.

"Y-Yeah, Al, I'm fine. Uh, where are your Papa and Pop Pop?"

"They went out a little bit ago. Why?"

"Can you watch them a little longer?" he asked. "I'm tired..."

"Yeah, it's cool. Um, Tori's coming over later, if that's okay. She wants to tell us whether she got in or not."

"Yeah, that should be fine." He turned and headed upstairs.

Rather than get into bed, he stripped off his clothes and stepped into the tub that was adjacent to his bedroom. He sank to the ground, pulling his legs close to his body. He looked down at the slight swell of his stomach. The baby bump which had just begun to form, only now to be lost.

He traced his finger over the stretch marks he had been self-conscious for when pregnant with Alex, which Gabe had kissed to assure he was still beautiful. His finger dipped to the scar tissue still left over from his cesarean. He'd had it with Ellie, out of sheer fear for a long, impossible labor, like with Jay just before. The scar tissue which had been stretched over top of him while he was pregnant with Remus and Patrick.

The swell of his stomach that could have been anyone, but to mind came Sam, who had settled into him and been content when he was able to read to him or convince Pete and Gabe to. He shifted his hand up his sternum to his chest, the place where Max had settled in to eat when he was small enough to sit on his hand. The pseudo breasts that usually formed hadn't had a chance to, with this one, but he mourned the feeling. He put his head on his knees and whimpered, remembering Elena's first onesie, right out of the womb. How she had curled on him like this wearing that fabric so that his brother would even think about coming to meet her. He wished he could laugh in remembrance of why he had been so afraid (because his nephew had pooped on him).

He let out a dry sob as he thought back to Rhydian, how he had held him tightly and wondered why he felt so upset. He had almost died delivering him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the blood pooling beneath him as it began to gush worse and tears flowed too. "I'm sorry, Caleb, you deserve better than this."

* * *

Almost an hour and a half later, Gabe and Pete came home. They saw the car Mikey had used to get to the doctor, so they went in, expecting to see him bouncing around with their twins and Brandi. However, the mother wasn't in the living room.

Instead, the kids were all watching a Disney movie. The twins were laying down on the floor together, handing popcorn back and forth. Brandi was sitting in between them, eyes wide with wonder at the special effects. Jay was laying with his head in Tori's lap. Tori was smiling softly and leaning against Alex, happy to finally be getting a break from her own brother's over excitement at her acceptance letter to Juilliard. Ellie was curled around her brother, looking at the screen. Elena and Sam were sitting next to each other on the other couch. Sam was eating an apple, and Elena was just watching, taking time to relax with her siblings. Max was sitting on the chair to their left, watching intently. Rhydian was asleep in the other chair.

"Hey," Pete greeted.

"Hey," Alex answered, looking up at him. "Dad went upstairs, said he was tired."

"Okay. We'll be back down soon." He smiled softly and set down their stuff, then led Gabe upstairs.

Immediately, they knew something was wrong. Mikey's sweater was left on the floor, and their bathroom door was closed. The light was off in their room, but on in the bathroom. While Mikey wasn't exactly OCD, he didn't leave his sweater laying on the ground. He didn't leave his kids downstairs, locked out of their room, when they weren't home and he wasn't sleeping.

Gabe opened the door and yelped slightly at the sight he saw. All of his husband's clothes were shoved out of sight of the tub. Mikey was staring blankly at the wall, mumbling so softly nobody could hear him. There was blood staining his tub. He had a dull look in his eyes. One of his arms was wrapped around his knees, holding them to his chest, and the other was holding his stomach. 

"Mikes? Mikes, come on." Pete pushed past Gabe- who had a slight baby bump himself- and reached to grab Mikey. "We need to take you to the ER, you're bleeding."

"I'm not pregnant," Mikey whispered.

"What? Baby, what do you mean?"

"Pete, I'm sorry... I lost him. I lost our baby." He curled up and started to cry. For a minute, nothing happened, and then Gabe stumbled back. Pete let out a sob, pulling Mikey closer.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," Mikey sobbed.

"D-Don't, it isn't your fault." Pete held him tightly, rubbing his back. He lifted him up and carried them to their bed, clutching him close. He pulled him onto his lap and held hm to his chest.

"We... We have to tell our babies... That I couldn't do it..." He coughed, whimpering when he felt blood gush from his body and stain their sheets.

Gabe sat next to him and held him tightly. They curled tightly around him, trying to process it as the evidence of their baby's life fell away.

* * *

"Daddy? Caleb says he misses you and loves you, but he was hurting and had to go away." Their daughter turned back to her blocks, and Mikey paled. He looked at Gabe and Pete.

"That was what I wanted to name..." He curled close to them and started to cry, and Gabe and Pete held him close as he cried softly.

 


End file.
